How to Tell Your Partner You Have Genital Herpes

Learn about genital herpes

Symptoms of genital herpes are:

Painful blisters or ulcers in the genital area that can cause itching, burning, and inflammation
Flu-like symptoms such as fever, chills, body aches, and fatigue
painful urination
swollen lymph nodes

Symptoms are usually worst during the first outbreak and can last up to four weeks. Recurrent outbreaks can occur at any time after the first occurrence, but are usually less severe and do not last as long.

Herpes is rarely a life-threatening illness and has few long-term health effects for most healthy adults. Because of this, Henderson says most people can come to see living with it as an inconvenience.

However, herpes can cause complications in people with weakened immune systems, and although rare, it can infect newborns and cause severe systemic symptoms that can be fatal. It is important to understand the diagnosis so that you can effectively communicate the risks to potential sexual partners.

Here are some tips to help you manage all the thoughts and feelings that a herpes diagnosis brings.

Learn the facts before discussing herpes with your partner

Diagnosing herpes can seem complicated. “Herpes has a huge psychological impact,” says Dr. Handsfield. “But with knowledge about this disease, we can reduce it.”

Websites like the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), Planned Parenthood, and the American Sexual Health Association are great places to learn the basics about genital herpes.

“Educate yourself as much as possible so your partner or potential partner understands,” says Henderson. “Knowledge is power, and it supports your emotional power.”

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receive guidance from a doctor

Consult your doctor to get the facts straight. “You can look up general background information on the internet, but talking to a medical professional can make a big difference. They can tell you specifically what’s going on with you, and they can be empathetic,” says Henderson.

If you don’t have a family doctor, visit a family planning center or community health center. At these centers, you can find low-cost or free medical services, depending on your income.

Tailor your approach to your specific situation

Genital herpes can be transmitted through vaginal, anal, or oral sex with an infected partner.

The types of measures you should take to protect your own health and the health of your sex partner will depend on your lifestyle, habits, and circumstances. A sexually active person with many partners may need to take different steps than someone in a long-term monogamous relationship.

To avoid transmitting the virus to others, Handsfield points out, there are three things you need to do.

First, avoid sexual activity during the outbreak.

Second, use a condom.

Third, under the supervision of a doctor, take antiviral drugs such as acyclovir, valacyclovir, or famciclovir daily for a long period of time.

Some committed couples choose one of the strategies listed above, but not necessarily all of them, says Handsfield. “Many couples stay in relationships for years. The risk of infection is never zero, but it can be minimized,” he says.

Additionally, people who have been infected with the virus for a long time are typically less contagious than those who have been infected recently.

But it’s important to keep in mind that your partner’s health can affect their level of risk of contracting genital herpes, says I. Cori Vail, MD, an obstetrician-gynecologist and associate professor of medicine at the University of Central Florida in Orlando, Florida. “Some people are taking biologics to treat rheumatoid arthritis, multiple sclerosis, and psoriasis,” she says. These drugs suppress the immune system, so if a person taking these drugs has a partner with active herpes, they are more likely to become infected than a healthy person who is not taking these drugs.

In these cases, it is best to follow the steps listed above to prevent the spread of genital herpes to your partner, including avoiding sex during an outbreak, using condoms regularly, and talking to your doctor about long-term antiviral therapy.

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